VOTD

Why Helping People Repent Often Fails pt 1 – VOTD.10.02.17

And the Lord’s servant must be gentle … patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. Perhaps God may grant them repentance. – 2 Timothy 2:24-25

When I was a young believer, I took a job where I was responsible for the spiritual welfare of a floor or young men in a Christian college dormitory. As time went on, I ended up responsible for several men’s dormitories, so I got to watch this work out quite often. Some of these young men I dealt with were seemingly in a perpetual state of repentance over one thing or another. And just like clockwork, another group would rise up as would-be, caring “stronger brothers”…to hold them accountable…to keep them walking the line.

The problem was, even when the repenter truly wanted to change, these situations rarely-if-ever turned out well. I began to see a pattern: The “stronger” brothers fed off the “weaker” brother’s success in repentance to bolster and maintain the “stronger” brother’s image as a stronger brother. The “weaker” brother’s continued failings ultimately frustrated the stronger brother, because they expected to see a victorious return on their time, emotions, and ministry investment.

Since then, I’ve seen the same thing in local church-life since those days. How could that be? Let’s say a friend objectively and legitimately does something wrong. It’s sin, plain and simple. Their behavior is an offense to us and Jesus. To compound the problem, it’s not the first time they fell into this sin and it doesn’t look like it will be the last. So we step in to try to help the repenter succeed. (more…)

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How to Help Someone Repent pt 3 – VOTD.09.26.17

Correct the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.  1 Thessalonians 5:14

We have a name for people who obsess on correcting others all the time. It’s ‘narcissist’. They use correction as a means of raising themselves above others…to control people…to keep people in shame. And whether they realize it or not, they do a lot of harm.

Nicodemus (the Pharisee who visited Jesus under the cloak of darkness) represented his fellow spiritual leaders in their conclusion that Jesus had come to condemn and correct. Jesus set the record straight. He had come to save us, not condemn us. Jesus actually came to break the curse and shame that accompanies it and replace it with life and light (Jn 3:17, 1:4). It’s no wonder Nicodemus didn’t understand. His entire culture revolved around pride and its partner, shame.

The Bible has an amazing amount to say about how to correct someone. It doesn’t forbid correcting a brother or sister, but it has to be done correctly. There’s a time for correction, but that correction should be occasional, and in line with today’s verse. Filled with encouragement, help and patience.

Sometimes our correction will take the form of confronting (Gal 1:6). Sometimes it will take the form of helping someone in their weakness (Lk 11:46). Sometimes it will take the form of instruction and prescribing a better way (2 Tim 3:16). But it will always be done with a spirit of patience. Not anger, not frustration, but patience.

This is how do we help people really change: Pray. Encourage. Patiently correct. Repeat. Too often we get this backwards. We correct far more than we pray or encourage. The result? We destroy the relationship. We discourage the repenter. And the outcome is no change. (more…)

Continue ReadingHow to Help Someone Repent pt 3 – VOTD.09.26.17

How to Help Someone Repent pt 2 – VOTD.09.25.17

Encourage one another and build each other up.  1 Thessalonians 5:11
Accept one another then just as Christ accepted you.  Romans 15:7

As we saw last time, if we’re praying constantly for our repenter, we’re doing by-far the most practical and valuable thing we are actually able to do for them. But suppose we want to do more… What else can we do?

We can encourage them. For some of us, that counsel is obvious, for others it may sound even counter-productive. After all, if we encourage them they won’t feel so ashamed and might even start to feel like they’re part of the group-church-family again—You know, part of the Body, one of “us”.

Don’t think Christians don’t feel like that. Of course I wrote it so bluntly hopefully no one would agree. But quite frankly, there is an undercurrent of ostracism repenters have to deal with in the Christian community. It can cause them to lose heart, give up, throw in the towel in defeat. So in a sense, we can help someone repent by NOT trying to make them repent—at least not by using the devastating ‘tools’ like CONDITIONAL LOVE, AVOIDANCE, SHAMING, TREATING THEM AS PROJECTS. Christians often employ things like this. (more…)

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How to Help Someone Repent pt 1 – VOTD.09.19.17

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17

One of the challenges of being in any kind of Christian community (family, church, friendship, etc.) is finding ways to “Bear one another’s burdens” (Gal 6:2) in a way that truly helps rather than causes things to get even worse. Sometimes our intentions are good but how we live out helping our brothers and sisters is defective. And helping someone repent is an area where the Bible both calls us and cautions us, because it can be a real minefield.

To start with, there is no formula. What will be a game-changer for one person with one kind of issue they’re repenting from, will be useless or counter-productive for another. Secondly, the zeal for the repenter to pursue repentance can ebb and flow and if we’re out of rhythm with that we’ll be frustrated.

Fortunately, the Bible gives us forthright insights on how to actually help a person change or repent… and how not to help them, which is just as important. Today we’ll start looking at some passages on how to help someone repent.

Prayer changes things. (more…)

Continue ReadingHow to Help Someone Repent pt 1 – VOTD.09.19.17

Godly vs. Worldly Repentance – VOTD.09.18.17

For you felt a godly grief…For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

I was listening to tearful Christian mother whose barely-adult daughter was in jail, guilty of some serious crimes. “The problem is,” the mother said, “<daughter> has always repented so well. We saw some problems, but we believed her when she tearfully repented and promised never to do it again.”

In today’s verses, Paul commends the leaders in the Corinthian church for repenting. And not just repenting, but repenting correctly. We don’t see this kind of repentance very often. And some of the reason for this is that in our love for the repentor and our desire to see restoration, we accept “worldly repentance that leads to death”.

We begin by naïvely accepting the general goodness of the repentor as a substitute for true repentance. Maybe we assume a divine calling or accountability to a group of leaders as a guarantee against falling into sin in the first place. Then we mistakenly assume that the repentor’s sorrow and confession will provide the power to produce change. Or we accept the repentor’s defensive attitude when we doubt their ability to change.

Israel’s first king, Saul, is a perfect example of someone who puts on a good show of repentance, but doesn’t change. As anyone familiar with the mentality and tactics of the abuser knows, false repentance is a common ploy abusive people use. They can be very convincing—and they can even convince themselves that they have changed. What they did was wrong, but they are finished with it forever. If their victim will only forgive them, all will be well. So now it’s their victim who bears the brunt of making things right again. (more…)

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After Repentance Comes Living – In Search of a Repentant Heart pt 2 – VOTD.09.12.17

If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20

Last time we began talking about repentance as an outgrowth of our topic of forgiveness. Obviously, it’s natural for the repentant person to just want to “move on”. But true repentance doesn’t indulge that wish, and so those who want to succeed in leaving their sin behind are completely honest about how they are doing at walking out their repentance.

This can lead to the opposite problem: Repentant people need to forgive themselves. We serve a merciful God who delights in restoring people, while not placing them in circumstances they are not able to bear.

God offers repentant people a restored relationship with Him and a new (and perfect) plan for lives.

Hosea’s promise to repentant Israel went like this:
“He will heal us”, “He will bind up our wounds”, “He will revive us”, He will restore us”. He makes it so we can “live in his presence” (6:1-2). After healing comes living. Repentant people accept responsibility for past failures but do not drown themselves in guilt. They focus their attention on present living in Jesus.

Even if we’ve gotten pretty good and consistent about offering forgiveness to others, forgiving ourselves can be more difficult. Understanding why self-forgiveness is difficult can give us clues to make it easier: (more…)

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In Search of a Repentant Heart pt 1 – VOTD.09.11.17

You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy from God. (Proverbs 28:13)

A study of forgiveness is never complete without looking at the other side of the coin: Those who sin and repent. Because “all have sinned” and “if we claim to be without sin, we lie” (Rom 3:23/1Jn 1:8), repentance in central in Christian life. Confessing and forsaking our sins, which is what ‘Repentance’ means, is foundational, not just for new believers, but for all believers.

The problem is there’s far more encouragement to repent than instruction how to repent. And many struggle with the question: How do I know if I’m truly repentant?

In the Bible, there are great passages on both true and false repentance. David truly repented of his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah. Saul put on a good show, but he didn’t have a genuinely repentant heart. Space limits me from going deep into these passages (2 Sam 12 / Ps 32, 51 /1 Sam 15), but it might be good to review them on your own.

Here’s some lessons we can learn from these two examples (and others) of true vs. false repentance: (more…)

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In Search of a Forgiving Heart Pt 2 – VOTD.09.05.17

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

We’ve been looking at how to forgive and keep forgiving. Last time we looked at:

1. Forgive whether the offender receive the forgiveness or not.
2. Acknowledge that the offender is a sinful human being who Jesus loves
3. Stop “re-living” the offense.
4. Forgiveness starts by receiving God’s forgiveness.
5. Forgiveness is foundational to our own peace and quiet.

Today we’ll look at a few more forgiveness strategies:

6. Remember that vengeance belongs to God (He repays—Rom 12:19). Even in the natural realm what goes around comes around. If someone hurt us intentionally, we can be pretty sure they’ve been hurt, themselves. And we can be pretty sure they won’t get away with it. Crazy as it may seem, life has a way of making people who spread misery miserable.

7. Still struggling with forgiveness? Try this: Every time you think of the offender, bless them (Lk 6:28). Say a quick prayer of blessing. Say “Father, please bless [name of the offender] and give them a good day.” It’s hard to stay unforgiving when you’re praying for someone. Jesus told us to love our enemies (ibid.). Send them love in a prayer. (more…)

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In Search of a Forgiving Heart Pt 1 – VOTD.09.04.17

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13

Most Christians know we are supposed to love our enemies, do good to those who act hatefully towards us, bless those who wish bad things would happen to us, and pray for those who mistreat us (Lk 6:27). Included in all of this is forgiving those who have hurt or offended us in some way.

Of course, it’s not so difficult to say we love people in the general sense, or forgive people universally. It’s when we come down to the individual level that it gets tough. And to forgive and keep forgiving is stressful. To stay forgiving can be tough if we don’t know how or why we keep finding ourselves unforgiving.

Here’s some thoughts on that:

1. We need to forgive whether the offender receives the forgiveness or not. We’re doing it for God and our own peace whether the offender responds or not.
We may need to re-forgive them repeatedly and often until forgiving becomes a habit. By that I mean that the offender may be a repeat offender. Or perhaps we have a wavering forgiveness that we need re-apply often—every time we begin to feel unforgiving thoughts. (more…)

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In Search of Joy in a Discouraged World Pt 2 – VOTD.08.29.17

You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with Joy in your presence. Psalms 16:11

Last time we saw that we can have a hard time living in the joy that Jesus wants us to live in and gave a few suggestions about what each of us can do about it as we continue to live in an unspeakably distressed world and is filled with negativity.

1. Joyful Christians have unshakable faith
2. Joyful Christians are grateful for what we have
3. Joyful Christians don’t settle for less
4. Joyful Christians are respectful and honor others
5. Joyful Christians surround themselves with joyful people

6. Joyful Christians aren’t afraid to make changes. A lot of Christians aren’t joyful because they are stuck in a deep rut…a pattern of living that doesn’t serve their calling or purpose in life and from which they can’t seem to get out. Joyful people, on the other hand, are dynamic without being out of control; confident without being arrogant. Often, it’s our fear of being different makes us bored (and boring). Joyful people are constantly trying new ways and practices that add spice to their life (and make them more interesting people). (more…)

Continue ReadingIn Search of Joy in a Discouraged World Pt 2 – VOTD.08.29.17